Sunday, August 13, 2017

Question: If you were not a writer, than what would you do?

I have to be a writer. Here's why. This sentence makes me very upset.

First part's fine. Then shit goes off the rails.

'Than' is wrong. It's then. Then what would I do.

Here's the second problem. Agreement. It's not the end of the world, but it's the kind of thing that gets programmed into your brain after years of trying to be good at something. 'If you were not a writer, then what would you be?' is far cleaner. Or, conversely, 'If you didn't write, then what would you do?'

If you don't get it, fine. Feel free to chalk it up to me being a curmudgeon, and continue to enjoy and participate in my blog. If you did get it, feel shame. I'll assume my hacking away at your attempt will send you to other, lesser blogs, with far nicer folks at the helm.

I make mistakes, too, but the premise here is that I have to answer your questions.(That means your question works as a headline for my blog post, painting me in a particular, ungrammatical light.) Sometimes, I'll edit tiny mistakes, but this? This got me twice, felt like a weird poop, and - as a triple whammy - didn't inspire me content-wise. What I mean by that is, I'm not excited about answering what I'd do if I wasn't a writer, because that's the opposite of achieving my dreams. Being forced to give this up to do something else is my nightmare.

So the answer is die in a gutter alone. Or fake a pregnancy. I might try some murders?

I guess the real answer is another kind of writing, because it's the only skill I have that I could monetize above minimum wage, but then I'd still be a writer, and that would be me failing at answering. If you don't understand that see 'you failing at questioning'. It's above.

Short Answer: My back hurts. That means I can't do much in the way of menial labor. So I'd have to use my brain, and that would totally suck. If I was in a cubicle I'd burst into snakes. (That's not a typo. I would burst into a dozen or more snakes and slither off into the crevices of the building.)

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