My wife's like...
Rutger Hauer with more tears in the rain.
Mr. Belding's awkward twin sister.
Denzel Washington's ever growing paunch.
If Raggedy Andy got a sex-change.
Carmen Miranda with penises instead of bananas.
A bottom feeding fish that moans with displeasure when you flip it over.
A toilet-colored person that smells like a toilet.
Ernest Borgnine's cat that looks a lot like him.
That show, Designing Women.
An on-the-wagon four-and-a-half.
Seven ferrets in an Anna Kendrick suit.
The feeling you get when you poop, and then there's a second cramp, and it's likely diarrhea.
A tantrum thrown by a baby panda because it can't get its glasses clean.
Roadkill with tits.
The feeling you get when a movie doesn't have a post-credit scene.
The feeling you get when a movie does have credit bloopers.
Punky Brewster regretting her breast reduction surgery.
Misreading the word annual as anal.
A facial menstrual cramp.
A smarmy chipmunk that knows you want to fuck it.
How Fleetwood Mac feels about each other.
Being in a live studio audience for the Red Wedding.
A hobo with a t-shirt gun, and all the t-shirts say, 'Hobos Piss in T-Shirts'.
A woman with hot boobs, a fat ass, and a penchant for room-shredding poofarts.
Short Answer: Don't worry, honey. You're a drunk nine for sure!