Monday, July 3, 2017

Question: Where'd ya get that hat?

You must be talking to someone else's head.

I've always wanted to be a hat guy. I think it has something to do with all the hereditary baldness in my family. I've been assuming since a young age that one day I'd need to style up my glaring pate.

The only hats that look even semi-normal on me are baseball hats. Fedoras make me look like a rat-pack inspired rape artist, sun hats make me look like a Beach Boys inspired rape victim, and cowboy hats make me look like my singing voice is more pleasant than it is. (This has led to a couple of campfire dust-ups.)

I think the only interesting hat story I have to tell is about my current hat. It's a garage style Metallica hat. I found one in a discount bin nearly twenty years ago, wore it until it 'faded from black' to a sun-burnt, sweat-stained, non-color that looked like an impending bruise. One day, when I was desperately in need of a hat retirement ceremony, my brother showed up and handed me the exact same hat! He'd found it brand new in some discount bin! I've worn 'Garage Hat Revisited' for even longer than I wore the first one. It looks like something that a homeless person might dig out of a poop while looking for corn kernels, but I still wear it.

Short Answer: I have a weird head-to-body ratio. 1 to 1. (I meant, how many. Did you just picture me with a head as big as a body? Silly!)

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