Feels like some real thought went into this, so it makes me sad that my answer is so simple. To honor the effort, let's go through each one.
Fall Apple Cider: Apples give me diarrhea. If this is referring to the fermented kind of cider, that ain't so bad, but I'm always disappointed by the lack of big fruit flavor in ciders. They're too dry!
Winter Mulled Wine: I like wine, and I like spices. This can definitely hit the spot, and makes me feel like I'm tasting something old and special. Like getting a good lick at an elephant's ball sack.
Spring Cocktail: I guess it depends on the cocktail. Lots are good. Many better than the aforementioned bag of pachyderm nuts.
Summer Shandy: I shandy all year, baby. If you read this blog on the regular, you'll have noticed my proclivity for the shandy. In particular, a wheat beer plus a sparkling lemonade, about fifty-fifty. That shit is the pants down winner!
Short Answer: 'That shit is the pants down winner' can read a lot like a typo about pants-shitting.