Monday, July 10, 2017

Question: Give me three reasons why I shouldn't kick your ass, nerd!

I'm going to have to start a new blog called 'State Anything to Keith, Maybe With an Exclamation Point, But Definitely Not a Question Mark, 'Cause He Don't Answer No Questions, Fool.'

Or something like that.

Three reasons why you shouldn't kick my ass? Three? I could give you three thousand.

3) You'll go to jail. People seem to forget this, with all of their aggressive posturing in the face of conflict. If you hit someone, that's assault, and you can go to jail for a long time. It blows my mind in rage incidents that people manage to forget that their whole life could be destroyed by their lack of control. You could be a fine, upstanding citizen, who's never even considered the possibility of being jailed. Then, you throw one punch because someone cut you off in traffic and your tiny ego can't handle it, and it's off to the hoosegow.

2) I'm awesome. Why would you want to kick my ass? I don't tell people what to do, and I make most people laugh. Even if you don't like my blog, I dare you not to think I'm funny in person. I'm a hoot! I swear a lot, say the word 'poop' with unmatched vigor, and have a tendency not to fuck your girlfriend. (One of those things was a lie.Tee-hee!)

1) Things might not go the way you envision. I'm not a highly trained martial artist. But I was a very impressive and creative athlete, and my brain works quickly. There's a possibility that in a fight, where I'm calm and collected, and you're losing your mind, that I'm going to apply the few things I do know, and embarrass you in front of your girlfriend that I fucked.

Short Answer: All jokes aside, girls like me. Your mom, your sister...it's a risky game beating up this nerd. You'd have to beat my dick awfully hard for me not to get some serious revenge. So remember, if you're coming after Keith, make sure to beat my dick.

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