Saturday, June 10, 2017

Question: If an elephant can paint itself, why can't I?

Let me just check on this for a second...

Yep. You're an idiot.

The reason you can't do things is your mom was an alcoholic.
The reason you can't do things is your gene pool consists of many men named Gene.
The reason you can't do things is your mom monstertrucked while you were in the womb.
The reason you can't do things is your mom dropped you on your head while she was enduring subtle but effective emotional abuse from your father.
The reason you can't do things is your real father is a prop comic.
The reason you can't do things is you were so turned around in the womb, your mom had to have a B-section.
The reason you can't do things is your mom's favorite episode of Dallas was the one after JR got shot.
The reason you can't do things is your dad's sperm had lazy eyes.
The reason you can't do things is you were conceived only as an abstraction.
The reason you can't do things is because your mom thought train tracks were laid down by the train as it passed.
The reason you can't do things is your mom was a founding member of the 'punch yourself the pain away' movement.
The reason you can't do things is your dad's penis works like a woodpecker.
The reason you can't do things is all the hairspray.
The reason you can't do things is your mom's womb had shag carpet.

Short Answer: That's about enough of that...is what your mom said after one prenatal class!

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