Thursday, June 1, 2017

Question: How high does a colour have to count before it can change shape?

What a way to start off a new month here on Ask Keith Anything. Those drugs are good; pass them over. I'm assuming a bag of mushrooms, or maybe a bag of glue, or possibly a bag of shitbat nuts.

There's so much to unpack, here. First of all, let's address what this question supposes. That, 1) colours (not american 'colors') can count. 2) Colours can change shape. 3) Colours have a shape. 4) Counting high enough makes something change its shape.

Let's assume some to all of these statements are true. So the hypothesis is: things can count high enough to alter their physical appearance. Okay? Now because we don't see this happening in nature all that often (shut-up, cuttlefish), my assumption is that you have to count very, very high. I'm also going to theorize that on the scale of 'shit happening when you count' changing your shape is far beyond some of the other things that can happen. Here's my best guess.

Counting to one million: Crisis of identity/faith/preference.
Counting to one hundred million: Spontaneous combustion.
Counting to a billion: Change of political affiliation.
Counting to one hundred billion: Altering your very molecular structure so as to appear different to others.
Counting to a trillion: Kaitlyn Jenner

All right, all right! That's a cheap shot. But I never got in on that whole thing. I really didn't know where the humour was (except what South Park did with her), and I just found it, it just happened. I swear it.

Not bad, though, right? You know she read for Superman? Even put on the cape and tights? There's funny in there, whether you like it or not. Many of her political beliefs are unpalatable! Right?

Short Answer: My assumption is that a color doesn't have the capacity to count overly long or high. Their lifespan alone would keep them from ever doing anything more than the crisis of identity. So I guess what I'm saying, drug-addled reader, is that with great effort, a color can change its color. But not its stripes! Ha! See what I did there? Kaitlyn Jenner.

No comments:

Post a Comment