Friday, June 23, 2017

Question: Careful. That's hot.

I feel like I've been directly commenting on the question a lot recently. Is that a habit I'm forming or a commentary on the oddness of the questions?

Shut-up! I answer the questions here.

I tried to think of a way to do one of those stream-of-consciousness lists for this, but I couldn't think of anything funny about hot stuff.

The only way this is funny is if it'a a lady friend of mine who quotes this as I'm reaching out to touch her behind.

"Careful, that's hot," she says, all sexy-like.
Then I'd be all like, "Why? Did you fart?"
She'd say, "What's wrong with you?"
Me: "'Cause a fart shouldn't be hot for long. Do you have a dump brewing?"
"Keith? What's wrong with you?"
"I can wait, I guess, if you need to go. But it's not very arousing knowing you just took a shit."
"I don't have to take a shit."
"Oh. Now you've got me thinking about it, though. When was the last time you did?"
"I don't know. This morning? Why are we talking about this?"
"You brought it up!"
"No, I didn't! I was trying to be sexy!"
"Dumps aren't sexy, babe."
"Get out of my cubicle."

Short Answer: That was kind of a neat way to service the stream-of-consciousness idea. Interesting. After writing 'stream-of-consciousness' for the second time, my brain went to 'cream-of-mushroom soup'. I hate that shit. There are some foods that Campbell's just can't pull off, you know? Gotta make that yourself. Use your own cream. I mean real cream. Dammit.

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