Thursday, April 27, 2017

Question: What's with all the poems?

Had to bump this one up or it wouldn't make sense. I hate when I have to do this. I always feel like someone's figured out the game and they're Kevin Spacey-ing me from Seven. (Or Se7en if you're an asshole.)

First of all, go fuck yourself. I can't imagine your motivation is positive.

In addition, you already know the answer. I get asked questions and I answer them. If your sensibilities don't allow for two out of three questions to be about similar topics, why are you on my blog? There's a joke about boobs or poop eight days a week up in this motherfucker.

But you're not alone. My traffic falls slightly if I answer too many original poem requests. Maybe that's because when I'm asked these questions, I write a poem on the spot. I take three to ten minutes, and I do only the vaguest of edits. Even though I'm supposed to be good at poemetry, I can admit that the quality could be lacking due to this speedy method. But here's the rub - and please don't tell the poetry people who pay me (alliteration, nailed it) - I never spend much time on a poem! I've been paid for poems I've written during a bowel movement. No joke.

So you're not really getting the worst of me. Some might argue, based on my success, that you're getting the best of me. That my explosive, on the spot creativity - not unlike this blog - is my best work. And based on income and publications, I'm a poet first and foremost. So who are you to criticize? Anyone opened up their wallet for your poetry lately?


Short Answer: I don't really harbor any animosity for this question, and certainly not the question asker. I like any excuse to talk about poetry. In fact, I invite someone else to meta this shit up and ask why I posted yet another post about poems. That'll kill my traffic, but I don't give a fuck. Let's do this!

Note: Boobs/poop.

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