Friday, April 14, 2017

Question: The NHL playoffs are nigh! What are your predictions for the Canadian teams?

Guess who didn't watch any hockey this year?


He's got three thumbs, and only one is in his ass, and the other two are pointing at his face. His expression is abashed. Is that relevant? Does any of this make sense?


The Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup!


See how that felt like a lie?


Now fill in the blank with the other Canadian teams, and see if it feels like any less of a lie.


Only Edmonton sounds plausible, right?


Short Answer: It's Washington's year. Sorry, Canucks. Not the Vancouver Canucks, Canucks, like, Canadians. Not, like the Montreal Canadiens, the...you know what, fuck this. Hockey sucks now. Not going to the Olympics? Are you fucking kidding me? Selfish pricks.

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