Friday, April 21, 2017

Question: Happy Birthday, Keith!

Thanks, friends.

Not sure what I should do today. Already put a birthday themed compilation together:

Obviously I don't have time today to do a really involved list. Here's my tight birthday schedule:

9:00: Wake up horny.
9:05: After a few minutes of experimental self-manipulation, choose to let your wife sleep. You can plough her later, and you're a gentleman.
9:06: Doubt your decision. Wake up wife with, "Are you awake?" chants until she answers.
9:14: Hang out with your wife for a bit, who's hilariously groggy because she's trying to pay attention to you on your birthday even though she needs more sleep.
9:24: Start your blog. Get interrupted by a phone call from your grandmother.
9:24 to 11:26: Go for a long walk and talk, solving all the world's problems.
11:45 to 1:45: Lunch.
2:00: First round of hookers.
3:15: Hydration.
4:00: Second round of hookers, wife included.
5:00: Dinner if I can still feel my mouth.
6:00: Sex with my wife and that girl she likes from Safeway, the one with the big thighs.
6:45: Play Candy Crush while girls go at it.
7:00 onward: Free period. Nothing scheduled. Probably recovery and a movie about murders.

Short Answer: Should be a good one.

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