First, I've been saving this one for a particular day like today, where I want to talk about something that I wasn't necessarily asked about.
Second, whatever the fuck this is, good job putting a question mark at the end.
So, in my newsfeed today, I saw two headlines that stuck out. One was that North Korea is 'ready for war'. The other, that Katy Perry's hair has gotten even shorter! She's gone all the way down to pixie cut!
My first thought was, one of these things matters and the other doesn't. But that's not an unexpected response, nor is it an inappropriate one, or even an interesting one. In fact, you probably thought that's where I was going with this. A rant on real news, or some shit.
Here's the thing. My second thought was, maybe these things are of equal importance. Since when can North Korea do anything in a war other than launch a measly attack and get fucking destroyed by the entire world, led by America's bloated arsenal and its bloated president who collectively are willing to waste billions of dollars killing the shit out of people?
The answer is: Since their last missile test, which was the offensive equivalent of two pumps and finishing mostly on the bedspread while aiming for the back of that prostitute's knee.
Or, something we can all relate to, is the possibility that we live in a world where Katy Perry's haircut is of far more importance than it should be. I clicked on it. I wanted to see if it made her boobs look any bigger. There, I said it. You know what I didn't click on? The North Korea thing.
I guess the point is, what the fuck? What the fuck...news? What the fuck...the world? What the fuck...priorities? What the fuck...trust? What? The? Fuck?
I feel so much pressure and responsibility now to check all news for myself, to see what's legit, and then prioritize it accordingly. This climate of biased, bought journalism and people getting their news from social media sources (meaning, other non-journalists) has put a lot of the onus on we the people. And who has the time? How am I supposed to know what thing matters more? How am I supposed to know what's real? If I checked all dozen news stories I came across in my minimal time on social media, I'd be setting myself a two or three hour task. Daily.
Short Answer: There's Vice. We need more of that. Journalism that reeks of authenticity, so we can relax a little bit. I don't have hours to check everything out. I need those hours to masturbate to pop stars.