What haven't I done by now?
I don't know that I'm proud of either of those limericks. I don't think it's really my thing. I guess I can try again.
In lieu of his regular pay
An old man suggested one day
That he get a good suck
In the back of his truck
From the vacuum he'd married in May
Yea. I'm shit at this. That makes absolutely no sense. What's the guy's job? Why does he have to make a suggestion to a vacuum? Wait. He married a vacuum!
I'll try it once more.
A woman found out she was late
After a particularly wonderful date
They'd wined and they'd dined
Then they'd packed her behind
With enough tampons to make her think she was pregnant when she wasn't really pregnant.
God dammit. Does the period even come from the behind? I don't know!
I hate being bad at stuff. One more time.
On a Tuesday with plentiful rain
A postman with nothing to gain
Ran fast on his toes
Along the hedgerows
And broke his ankle in a storm drain
Hmmm. Not sexual. And boring as hell until the end. Then it got brutal. I think I'd better give up.
Short Answer: I don't think I can. Maybe if I took, like, a few minutes to think. But I'm not a loser!