Friday, March 3, 2017

Question: If someone wrote a biography about you what would you want it to be called?

I try to be original, and I don't like repeating myself, but one of my go-to jokes is to hear a funny phrase and claim, "That's the name of my autobiography." Lotsa people make this joke or one like it, so you'll understand my pain when this question is asked, and I wish to god I had the memory to recollect all the awesome ones from over the years.

Sadly, I don't remember if I'm wearing a shirt unless I look down. (And I'm afraid to look down because often there's a naked wiener staring back up at me. Sometimes, he looks angry.)

Let's try and capture some new magic, shall we?

My Biography/Autobiography:

Keith, Things Said On the Toilet
Keith, Dreams From My Father's Son
Keith, Yardwork
Keith, I Know Who Gave the Caged Bird Herpes
Keith, I Am Malala
Keith, EatPrayLoveSpacing
Keith, A Life in Two Sessions a Day
Keith, Bathroom Confidential
Keith, A Beautiful Set of Oblong Nuts
Keith, Into the Suburban Apartment
Keith, Thinking You're Smarter Than Everyone While Touching Your Own Bumhole
Keith, I Was Shakespeare Before Shakespeare Was Cool
Keith, Fingersmith
Keith, Pirate of Squeeze
Keith, Doing the Interrupting
Keith, I'd Do it For Less Than That
Keith, Tired of Opinions
Keith, Do The Intelligentsia
Keith, Trickle Down Impregnation
Keith, Music That My Face Makes
Keith, Accumulated
Keith, Short Walk From Freedom
Keith, The Day I Realized I Was a Woman
Keith, Up to the Knuckle
Keith, Good Grief and the No-Goodniks
Keith, I'm Your Huckleberry
Keith, The Strain of Ambition
Keith, Women I Imagined Boning: Volume One
Keith, A Life in Boobs
Keith, Right Coast, Left Coast, Red Fish, Biography
Keith, I Could Take a Dick
Keith, The Time I Sucked For Thirty Years
Keith, It's Only Half-Way In
Keith, If Books Could Kill
Keith, Did Anybody Hear That?
Keith, Killing at Home
Keith, Horse Aids
Keith, The Time I Held Your Hand and Farted

Short Answer: Keith, I Could Pretty Much Do This Forever

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