Sunday, March 26, 2017

Question: Hi! I've never posted before. I really liked your Saturday song list. Could you do some other kind of list?

I can see that you're new to the blog, because I do lists on a pretty regular basis. Most, if not all, of said lists are about kinds of things. With a little research, you may discover just how vague your request is, and you might want to punch yourself in the dick/vagina over your own stupidity.

I'll allow it.

(Grumbles while trying to figure out what other kind of fucking list he wants to fucking make.)

Top Ten Wedding Blogs of 2001

That's a joke. Hold on.

I've got it!

Top Ten Top Ten Lists You Wouldn't Bother Reading

10) Top Ten Things to See at the Foot of Your Bed in the Middle of the Night
9) Top Ten Celebrities Who Say 'You Know' a lot When They Speak
8) Top Ten Stories of Personal Triumph
7) Top Ten Diseases People Think They Have With Only a Few Common Symptoms
6) Top Ten Lights in the Sky
5) Top Ten Urine Colors
4) Top Ten Game Show Host One-Liners
3) Top Ten Braids
2) Top Ten Ways to Farm
1) Top Ten Dreams

This really just made me appreciate the value of the 'Top Ten' format, because I actually would like to read some of these lists. Even shitty things can have value when organized, so here's a bonus list.

Top Ten Top Ten Lists You'd Totally Bother Reading!

10) Top Ten Somnambulism Stories
9) Top Ten Times Caught Masturbating
8) Top Ten Times Someone Thought You Were a Racist
7) Top Ten Times You Wished You'd Closed Your Eyes in Time
6) Top Ten Post-Workout Penis Shrinkage Moments
5) Top Ten Drunk Pees
4) Top Ten Things You Said That Were Smart By Mistake
3) Top Ten Saturday Morning Cartoon Episodes
2) Top Ten 'Walk Into a Bar' Jokes That are Actually Funny
1) Top Ten Boobs that Look Like Butts/Butts that Look Like Boobs

Short Answer: If I was a magical creature, and I had the time, it would be pretty meta to go on and actually compile each of these lists. I guess someone out there could ask me to do that...and then I'd have to...but that would be a dick move...or would it? (Maybe just pick your favorite and ask me to do that one. It would seriously take me hours and hours to do them all. What else am I doing, you ask? Shut-up.)

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