Saturday, February 25, 2017

Question: Nairobi or Dallas, Texas?

Hmmmm. Are you trying to choose between jobs? I'm guessing you did something pretty awful, to end up with these two choices. Did you lose a bunch of money for an oil-company, perhaps? Or the classic 'fucked someone's daughter'?

Don't get me wrong. I have no evidence that either of these places is bad. I'm just assuming. Why wouldn't these places be awful? Hot and full of people. Fuck that.

Did you know that Nairobi, capitol city of Kenya, is the only major city with a game reserve within its boundaries? Neat, huh?

And Dallas...Dallas has the Cowboys. And the Cowboys have cheerleaders. Yum.

You probably want to base your decision on more substantial factors. Nairobi has 3.6 million people. Dallas has only 1.1 million. That's a thing, right?

Shit. I was just going to go into the differences in climate, then maybe, compare food. (Nairobi has KFC, did you know that?) I know. Who cares. This is boring. I don't even know if this is what the question is asking. Perhaps it's a puzzle and I'm supposed to figure out their connection. Or maybe someone just spun a globe, pointed to two random places and thought, "Fuck Keith."

If I had to choose for vacation, I'd pick Nairobi, because it's far and different. If I was choosing where to live, I'd choose the shit out of Dallas, because by all accounts it's a great city and it's close-by, familiar and full of fucking cheerleaders. Or that's the impression I get from the TV.

Short Answer: Sometimes when I'm doing this blog I realize that I'm stinking it up. Mostly, I can adjust, but on occasion, I've already gone through the looking glass. So, to salvage, I become brutally honest and throw in the word 'fuck'. I'll also usually make a poop joke, something along the lines of, "I bet Nairobi smells bad. Ya know, like a poop." or "The air in Dallas smells sweet and salty, like a cheerleader poop."

No comments:

Post a Comment