Monday, February 27, 2017

Question: How did you enjoy the Oscars?

By eating many nachos.

I fried up some ground pork with coriander, smoked paprika, cinnamon, ancho, Mexican oregano and salt and pepper. I made a fresh salsa with cilantro, tomatoes, lime, scallions and chives, cumin and chipotle. Then I chopped up some more scallions and red peppers. Then I put that shit all together - two layers - with a fuck-tonne of cheese.

Then I watched a rather uninteresting Oscars broadcast.

I suppose you want a recap from me? I don't feel like there's much to talk about, except the end. We'll get to that.

I thought the stage was great. I thought the visual design this year was classy and straightforward, and I liked that they opened with a song. Why not? You've got to get them all in somewhere.

Kimmel's monologue was safe and middle-of-the-road, probably exactly what they want. He did a fine job throughout the night; I can see them having him back.

I really enjoyed the famous people talking about their favorite movie, then having those people combine to give out awards. In particular Seth Rogen and Michael J. Fox was a highlight.

I'm not a fan of the person signing over the in memoriam segment, but I thought the song was a good choice, and Sara Bareilles did a good job.

Speeches were mostly shit. I've been watching all the awards shows, and as is often the case, the good shit is wasted on lesser broadcasts. Emma Stone in particular, who I was hoping would lose her shit and show us all the awesome person she is, kept it together all to well. For the second year in a row, we didn't really get an iconic, lose-your-shit speech from anyone. Viola Davis's was okay, but she gave better ones earlier in award season.

One other thing I liked was showing a little montage of earlier speeches right before giving out the four major actor categories. That was a nice touch. Also, the music throughout the night was fun.

There. Now the end.

I'm not going to explain it. I'll simply say that I didn't think it was that big a deal. Obviously the worst part is that the La La Land people got an Oscar ripped from their hands, and that sucks. But the Moonlight people got to win, so it's no bad mark on their experience. And overall, it's not much of a mark on the Oscars, either. I'm assuming fault goes to the company - PriceWaterhouseCooper?- that handles the envelopes. It's not like Warren Beatty dug into their suitcases and pulled the wrong one.

Hard not to like Jordan Horowitz, who took control and was gracious in righting the injustice. He was kind of the star of the night.

Now, a brief list of shit that didn't work:

Having the tour bus people come in. They set it up like we were going to get a bunch of surprised people, but most walked in expressionless with cameras raised. They'd obviously figured out what was going on, save for a few. Then the segment took way too long. Highlight was watching Ryan Gosling treat them like people.

Candies falling from the sky? Cute. But I don't give a fuck about your sponsors.

Close-up on brave, incredible, sixteen year old girl singing the Moana song...gets smacked in the back of the head by a roaming parasail.

And back to the good stuff:

The Matt Damon jokes. In particular, Matt and Ben's presentation.

John Legend singing the song that should have won the Oscar, 'Audition (The Fools Who Dream)'.

Salma Hayek's dress and responsible, tasteful, incredible jugs.

Best Joke of the Night: M. Night Shyamalan taking credit afterword for writing the ending.

Short Answer: Despite feeling like the prepared material was a bit tame, I thought some of Kimmel's bits were quite clever, including the bit about Meryl phoning in her entire career. I think Kimmel's best when ad-libbing, like when he said that Denzel could marry that couple. My favorite joke of the night - and don't hate me - was probably when he said we didn't love adapted screenplays any less. I know. I've lost all credibility. But so has PwC, so there you go.

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