Corduroy pants? Update.
Subscription to Face Tattoo Weekly? Cancel.
The Way I Think About Women With Penises? Update.
Tickets to the Gun Show? Cancel.
Appointment With the Ball-Waxer Lady? Cancel.
Toyota Tercel Hatchback? Update.
Transformers Movie Sequels? Cancel.
Date With Smelly Dave? Cancel
Beehive Hairdo? Update.
Date With Actual Beehive? Cancel.
Opinion When it Comes to Making Romantic Dates With Insect Habitats? Update.
Desire to Keep Things Even in this Post by Doing One Update and Then One Cancel? Update.
Habit of Starting Joke One Way, Getting Bored, Then Switching it Up? Upcancel.
Times I've Had Sex With Your Mother? So many times, dude. So many times. Like, enough times that it's actually getting boring for both of us. People only have so many holes, and their are only so many utensils in the drawers of the kitchen where you grew up and ate your Captain Crunch. Seriously. I've put every ladle, every crazy straw, every single plastic cup up inside your mom's body. There's nothing in there that hasn't been thoroughly cleaned for fear of feeding something slimy to the neighbors during afternoon tea.
Short Answer: Update.
Medium Answer? Cancel.