Monday, January 16, 2017

Question: What's that noise in my wall?

Ass gremlins?
Stocking trolls?
Half-asleep toe-biters?
A cockroach as big as your fist?
Hades gnomes?
That mouse you chased, back with an adorable chainsaw?
A thumb-less hand?
Elder god?
Your water pipes reforming into a steam-powered engine of penetration?
A callous squirrel?
The end of days?
Greased-up Trump?
Coalesced mal-intent?
A fat rabbi reading excerpts from Bridge to Terabithia?
One joke too many, skewing the entire legitimacy of your silly list?


Short Answer: It's probably just whatever used to live in your closet or under your bed. We've figured out a lot of its methods, but talons allow you to move easily through the ducts.

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