What color are your drapes?
Short Answer: This joke brought to you by the phenomenon where I say a thing, and you're like, 'That's such an obvious thing, why didn't I think of that?' And if you did think of this in the same nanosecond that I did, you are as handsome as I am, with nearly as big a penis. (Sorry if you're a lady. Bit of a surprise penis, I guess. Should I have stopped writing this some time ago?)
Note: I asked my wife the question, to see if she would think as I think. She shouted, "Purple! Dark, rich purple. Like, Prince purple." She is not as handsome as I am, with no surprise penis. And now I have to deal with the fact that she wants to bathe our abode in purple. Pubes didn't even occur to her. Not even a little. Just living in a seventies nightmare of lush, purple carpet, hanging out with the kind of people who wouldn't assume an impending orgy or séance was out of order, and...should I have stopped writing this some time ago?