Sunday, December 4, 2016

Question: Help! I'm all out of money and I need to buy Christmas presents!

If you expect my help to be monetary in nature, you're shit out of luck. I've had to blow a dude three times this year just to pay for hot water.

Now, as for advice, which I can give out for free, I suggest you blow a dude.

It's really not so bad. You could pretty much do anything for five or ten minutes if afterward a problem was solved. Just think about any situation that causes you stress. Oh no, the car is making a funny noise. Imagine the Five to Ten Minute Elf showing up and saying, 'What about something uncomfortable to make that noise go away?' And then he pulls out a hefty dildo and suggests you grab those ankles. Would you say no, if you knew that taking that dildo in the tookus for five to ten minutes would mean no expensive car repair, and more importantly, you could put the problem from your mind? I don't know about you, but I'd be bent over like a poorly struck nail in about two ankles flat.

How did this become about oral and anal you might ask? And how did I manage to include an elf, making the post even more Christmassy? Because I'm the man, and my advice is good. So find a guy who likes to pay for blowies, put a cushion under your knees...

Short Answer: ...and have a Merry Christmas!

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