Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Question: I'm starting to worry that my wife doesn't love me. Is there a test I can use to find out for sure?

Yes. It's called the 'penis in mouth' exam, and it goes a little something like this.


Try putting your penis in your wife's mouth. If her mouth remains closed, and she looks at you with 'uh-uh' eyes, then she doesn't love you.


If, however, you sometimes find her mouth around your penis and you didn't even see that shit comin', she loves you.


We all do things for each other in a relationship. There are compromises of all varieties. Some are intellectual, some emotional. Some are physical. Letting you put your extra sweaty dick in her mouth is one of a wife's most common compromises. She does it for the good of the team, and sometimes, because she has foresight and her heart is full of caring, she'll work those balls, too.


I often think when people claim that there is no oral love in their relationship, that there is something missing. So if you fail the 'penis in mouth' test, proving your wife doesn't love you, before giving up, trying increasing your level of compromise in the relationship. For example, I'll bet she's got a butt that needs a good licking.


Short Answer: This undoubtedly helped you.

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