Mom! For fuck sake!
Okay, this won't wasn't my mother, but still. Pretty matronly, right?
Okay, maybe not.
Here's the deal. I'm married. Not only that, I'm married to a woman who's better than you. Plead however you like; it will fall on deaf ears and beautiful boobs.
Short Answer: If my wife was into it, we could talk, but mostly she's too asleep to get aroused. It's hard being as awesome as she is, so she has to sleep a lot. At least that's what she tells me. It's also why her vagina has to stay 'penis-free' and her mouth remain 'balls-light'.