Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Question: You ever have trouble sleeping?

This is a very timely question. It's almost as if I save certain questions for when they'll be appropriate. But I don't. So shut the fuck up.


The night before last I fell asleep on the couch at 10:30 and woke at 8:30. That's ten hours of sleep, and though I had gotten less than eight the previous night, that's still fuckin' weird.


Last night, after playing hockey and taking ten thousand steps, doing housework and rocking the shit out of some sitting, I couldn't sleep. I fell asleep for half-an-hour at 1:00, then idly masturbated myself into an awake frenzy thanks to some well-timed television porn, then couldn't get back to sleep until 5.


Now it's early afternoon. I didn't get up until afternoon, today. That's right.


What the fuck is a person supposed to do with themselves when they wake up in the afternoon? I feel like I lost four hours, and I'm on the verge of giving up on the day entirely. Maybe I should masturbate again. Gimme a second.


That changed very little.


Maybe I'll try again.


I'm never going to finish this post they way I finish - you get the idea.


Sleeping in is weird and stupid.


Short Answer: What? Right, the question. No, I rarely have trouble sleeping. But I guess the older you get, the more weird shit happens. I think sleeping is dumb. I almost always get enough, and I believe it's very important, but I'm like a child when it comes to bedtime. I always want to stay up and keep doing whatever I'm doing. I get angry when I start to doze off. Does that make me a fucking weirdo? Probably!!! (Enthusiasm for middle-of-the-road sentiment is a major symptom of sleeping in until 12:45 on a weekday.)

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