Monday, September 26, 2016

Question: What's the best time for saucy pants?

...


(exhales mightily)
(becomes consternated over adverb usage)
(inhales mightily)


What the fuck is this!?!


(tells himself to remain calm. tells himself this is the life he chose. tells himself it's no one's fault but his own)


Nobody wants fucking sauce on their fucking pants!!!


(it's okay, everyone. he knows it's some sort of metaphor. he's had a rough couple of days)


Is this a sex thing? Are they talking about sex? Why don't they just say so? Do they mean flirting? When's a good time to be naughty? I don't know, all the time? When you want a thumb in your butt?


(all right. things are going a little sideways. if there were a set of rails, he would be veering off of them...oh shit, here he comes! He's pissed about the train analogy! Is that...he's got a knife!!! Run for -)


There. That's taken care of. Anyone else want a taste?


(--------------)


Good. Now, as for saucy pants, I'd say the best time is 8:47 AM.


Short Answer: You got a fucking problem with that?

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