Friday, September 30, 2016

Question: What about those girls that were found dead at that resort?


Do I really have to go look this up? I mean, how can anyone possibly benefit from my take on this? Am I supposed to make some sort of inappropriate joke? Like, 'hey, at least the fat one something something.'

(Note: The 'something something' in that above paragraph could be any number of heinous things, all the way from 'got murdered first' to 'got murdered better'.)

I don't know what you're talking about, or if it even exists, which gives me just the right amount of separation to say, yea, sure, death is pretty funny. Maybe not for the dead, or their loved ones, but the rest of us have to laugh to face the pressing, blinding horror of all existence, that force that weighs us down every day, making our backs hurt and our bellies churn with acid, so that we become bent, crinkled bags of foul-smelling breath and paranoia.

Short Answer: If there is a fat one in that story, please don't email me with complaints. Wait, is it bad, after all this, that I just laughed at 'fat one' because I thought of a penis?

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