Saturday, September 17, 2016

Question: Have you seen that Corey Feldman Today show performance yet?

There isn't much to say about this, save that it's not even close to the weirdest thing he's done.

You know what, I take that back. I'm tired of people calling his performance 'bizarre' and 'strange' and 'weird' because they're afraid to say what it really was.

Fucking awful.

I loved Corey Feldman in my youth. I even thought he was charming in Dream a Little Dream. That's right. Fan.

At some point he decided he was a musician. He liked to dance and sing, and Hollywood wasn't calling anymore, so he went down that road. Good for him! Do your thing, Corey Feldman. Have a blast. Live your life.

The point is, I'm no hater, but that doesn't mean I have to be a liar. Corey Feldman is a terrible singer. His voice sounds like a frog trying to croak around a diseased cock during a particularly lazy throat-stuffing. The music is generic and lifeless. He even lacks the confidence of a showman, so that he can't be given credit for 'pulling it off' despite the awful product. He looks out of place as a rock star and always has. Go back and watch his videos and you'll see what I'm saying.

Some people just aren't good at some things. And again, if this hobby makes him happy, great. But if he puts himself on the television or tries to crowd fund for 100,000 dollars to make more music, that's when we need to pick up the baton and be truthful. Obviously he has enough yes men.

People can do what they want. I really believe that. And this isn't hurting anyone. But doesn't it feel gross to straight up feel embarrassed for someone, especially when they don't know the joke's on them? I guess if he doesn't care, so be it.

Point is, it's not bizarre. It's sub-par. It's laughable. It's awkward and it makes everyone feel funny. Having said that, this Today show performance you're talking about is probably the most normal he's ever looked while pursuing this rock star thing. Seriously, if you can take it, look up the other stuff. Then get back to me about what's bizarre.

Short Answer: Another point of embarrassment is that he seems like he has the world awareness of a twelve-year-old. He thinks he's got something cool and interesting in a double album about good vs. evil. Has no one told him there's nothing original here? That dressing your female band in Victoria Secret angel costumes does not make your shitty ideas any deeper in meaning? Poor Corey. (For the record, I saw him on a reality show once and he was a pretty nice guy. All of the above, but also nice. Look that up, too.)

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