Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Question: Did you not post yesterday?

Here's a conundrum.


When I get a question like this, I kind of have to shoot it to the front of the queue because otherwise it won't be topical. That's a dirty little way to exploit my dirty little secret, and to force your shit into existence instead of relaxing and letting it happen naturally. You're giving yourself hemorrhoids.


Also, in answering this, it sorta compiles the fact that I didn't post yesterday. It makes this post about that non-post, so we've doubled our bullshittery, unless I can make this post so fucking funny that it's better than if I'd done a real one. Or two.


Only, I'm not always funny. Sometimes I'm poignant as fuck. Sometimes I write the fuck out of a poem. Sometimes I say something heartfelt that makes you love me even more.


So in the spirit of not wasting two days, here's my attempt at doing all the good things in one go.


The ongoing election cycle in America, broad-shouldered and high-browed as it may seem, is a process that degrades the very essence of my soul.


And here's a dirty joke to make up for yesterday.


Whose head has a fart on it?


(farts on someone's head)


Short Answer: Sorry about yesterday. Had a friend in town, then didn't think to do this at an irregular time. Also, I thought, 'Fuck those assholes. My readers are such dicks. I'll probably get a question tomorrow about how I didn't post, and that will fuck up another day. Why do I even bother? I have the absolute worst fans. They should all go put something sharp up inside their own bodies.'

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