Sunday, August 7, 2016

Question: What did you think of the opening ceremonies?

Wow! I didn't know people knew about my Bi-Annual Festival of Elitism!


Thanks for asking. They went great. I put my wife in her place by calling her a complete dumbass, then I called my mother and subtly indicated I'd already accomplished more in my life than she has or ever will, then I found a homeless guy and made it clear through my gaze and body posture that I was disappointed in him, then I complained that the world wasn't giving me all it owed me. Then the surviving members of the Beach Boys played Kokomo and my pet hamster fell asleep.


Yea, yea, you mean the Olympics. There was a lot of ass, right?


Short Answer: Can't take the ass out of Brazil, television camera angles, try as you might.

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