Thursday, June 2, 2016

Question: Can you rank beans on a delicious tasting scale?

I think a lot of people will go straight to the garbanzo bean, here, because of hummus. But that's not the question, assholes!

The best fucking bean is the fucking black bean. Mexican's know their goddamn beans, and they use the shit out of this one. This is also why pinto beans are number two. Because of how awesome Mexicans are at food.

Three, haricot vert, or the green bean. Treat that shit properly and you've got a tasty fucking treat. Sautéed, butter, maybe even a little garlic or shallot or white wine if you're nasty.

Now the chick pea. Hummus is the tits, but a garbanzo bean on it's own is pretty good, too.

Kidney beans. Not because they go in chili (and you'd be better off using a black bean, anyway), but because they have great color and pleasant texture. Wait. I lost focus. This is about taste. Kidney beans taste okay.

Next, wax beans. Yellow. Again, good texture, okay flavor.

Coffee beans aren't really beans, so shut up.

Oh, shit! Is chocolate a bean? It is. Dammit. That has to be number one, right? Even though people do a lot of shit to it to make it yummy, it's still incredibly flavorful in its natural state. To second the emotion, Mexicans use that shit a bunch!

Short Answer: Let's organise this fucking list:

1) Cacao bean
2) Black bean
3) Pinto bean
4) Green bean
5) Garbanzo bean
6) Wax/Yellow bean
7) Black-eyed pea
8) Fergie's solo career.


  1. What a jelly beans? Edamame? You done did fucked up.

  2. Jelly beans are just sugar 'nads and soy beans have destroyed agriculture. You're the devil.