Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Question: What are the best things you've ever put in your mouth?

Clever girl.


Best Things I've Ever Put in My Mouth
(as opposed to things shoved in my mouth against my will)


10) Your mother's puss. It's super fuckin' salty, but I likes it.
9) Dr. Seuss's daughter's puss. Tastes like justice. Justice pudding.
8) My wife's puss. Tastes like rainbows, or whatever won't get me smacked in the mouth.
7) Just realized that having my wife's puss as low as eight is probably going to get me a smack in the mouth anyway. So I guess I'll try to belay that by saying my wife's butt is number seven. That should take care of it.
6) Pizza from Bufala.
5) That lady's penis in Thailand. It's not my fault that I like the taste of surprise.
4) Bubblicious Gum, Grape. That's self-explanatory. It's the smelliest gum.
3) Homemade dumplings. Freshly steamed. This is also about your mom. Boo-yag.
2) That time me and my friend Mark made bbg hamburgers with nacho chips in them and piled them high with every known topping. That time tasted good in my mouth.
1) Pepsi-Cola


Short Answer: As a fan of food and a maker of food, I could write an entire list of the best food I've ever eaten. But for a question like this, it wouldn't be fair. Some of these other answers supplied an amount of emotional satisfaction beyond the culinary world. The satisfaction, for example, of doing many terrible sex-stuffs to your mom's heinous areas.

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