Saturday, April 16, 2016

Question: What does a carrot think?

The only reason I'm answering this question right now is because I'm far too tired to be answering a question right now.

This ones seems perfect.

It probably thinks that you shouldn't be putting it in your asshole. Just in your salads. Your tossed ones. Confused? Stop putting food in the non-mouth holes you fuckin' heathen.

Carrots don't think. If they did, it'd probably just be the word 'orange' from the moment they're born until the moment they die. Just one big long oooooooooooorrrorrrrrrrrorrrrraaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnge and then fucking chomp. Brain dead carrot.

Carrots are good for your eyesight, unless you poke yourself in the eye with the pointy bit. That could really fuck you up. Carrots can be sharp. Not, like, brain sharp. They can't do a Sudoku or anything. At least not the hard ones.


You know what Carrot Top thinks? 'I could use a few more muscles on top of these existing muscles. That will make me less of a laughing stock in the world of comedy. I turn puns into sight gags. Being ripped cures that!'

You ever seen that movie Shoot 'Em Up with Clive Owen? It's the one where he eats lots of carrots and fucking kills a million dudes. That movie is easy on the eyes. Monica Bellucci is in it as a prostitute who lactates. Nice. Paul Giamatti is in it too, and he makes everything good. He's like the opposite of Carrot Top.

Sorry Carrot Top. I'm sure you're a nice guy. Remember when you were on that episode of Gene Simmons' horrible fucking fake reality show? Yea. Me too. Was that your best work ever? Fuck me.

Fatigue has made me unable to figure out how to get out of this nightmare of an answer. What do I normally do? Do I make sense? Do I work smoothly toward the short answer with skill and dignity? Or do I just abort in the middle of a

Short Answer: Fuck this and fuck you. Sleep is for the fucking oompa-loompas and their never-ending string of shit-filled, trousers. Oooooorrrroaaaaaaannnnnnnge!

Note: Oompa-loompa doopity bucket. I made a brain hole, watch while I fuck it.

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