Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Question: I could use some advice on how to keep my Mom from voting for Donald Trump. Any tips?

Yea. I've got a tip for your mom.

The tip of my penis.

For her - your mom's - vagina.

Like, I'll take the tip and put it in and be like, "How's that, Carol?"  and she'll be all like, "It's so big!" and I'll be all like, "That's just the fuckin' tip, fool!" and then she'll be all like, "Oh, my!" and then I'll give her the rest millimeter by millimetre so she feels as full as a Mexican truck heading for the border.

See? That there at the end? That's a stupid, tasteless, harmless joke. That's not actual racism. When you call a whole culture rapists, that's fuckin' racism.

By the way, anyone who asks me about Donald Trump from now on is going to be disappointed in the answer they get, and they will also be putting their mom's rump in danger. I'm not wasting any more of my time explaining what level of twit that guy has achieved. If you haven't yet been convinced you're an asshat for thinking, 'He's saying what everyone else is thinking," then you'll live the rest of your life with no concept of your epic asshattery.

Short Answer: You shouldn't be rewarded for telling the truth. You're supposed to tell the truth. So let's stop making allowances for what words he's actually saying and how harmful they are, just so we can say it's refreshing that he isn't lying his ass off. (Oh, and by the way, he's lying his ass off. So he's a double-sided douche. The worst kind!)

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