Thursday, February 25, 2016

Question: Why shouldn't you have your own talk show?

Hmmm. This feels a little backhanded. Why shouldn't I? Or maybe I should take that the other why, like why shouldn't I?


Man, italics do not cut it in terms of inflection. Let's move on.


I should have my own talk show. I'm hilarious and as handsome as a horse's patoot.


Wait, wait. Maybe there's one good reason. I don't care about other people's opinions and don't want to interview them. Can I have a talk show that's just me talking about why I don't have any guests?


I remember really digging on Jimmy Fallon at first, and though I still like him, I find his incessant positivity a bit hard to believe. He's a huge fan of everyone and everything. Sometimes, watching him, I think, 'What does he do when he hates something/someone? How does he cope?'


Because I know how I'd cope. I'd tell them they fucking suck and that their movie sucks and then my talk show would get cancelled.


Short Answer: All of the things I like to talk about are not allowed on television. I'm a walking example of shit people don't think is acceptable to say out loud.

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