Monday, September 30, 2013

Question: Why are you always late?

If I'm late it's because your mother was begging for round two.

And I'm a gentleman.

Seriously, I try to be on time. I have good intentions. I think there must be some sort of magical, mathematical formula that explains the correlation between the desire to be on time and the unavoidable lateness that occurs due to that desire.

What often happens is that I'm ready too early. And than I get restless 'cause I don't want to stand around waiting, so I start doing something (like a close female relative of yours) and it takes longer than I thought it would.

(Look, your sister can be demanding, with all that 'Not yet, not yet, now pull out your thumb' nonsense. It's trying; you should have more sympathy. You know what she's like.)

I guess the real problem is I don't like being early, you know, 'cause I'm so cool. So I try to time it so I always show up within five minutes of expected arrival time. That's why I'm often five to ten minutes late. To my credit, I'm rarely much later than that. (If I am, don't bother calling your mother or your sister. They are in...dis...posed.)

Short Answer: This question is inaccurate. I'm generally a punctual fellow.

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