Saturday, August 31, 2013

Question: All your responses seem pretty fiery, is there anything you straight up just don't have an opinion on?

I don't think I'm giving anything away here when I admit that the whole premise of this blog is that you can Ask Keith Anything. Therefore, if someone asks me something, and I - even once - say, "I don't have an opinion about that" then the blog kinda loses its power, don't you think?

Also, under the premise, I know everything. So I also have to answer your question by saying, "I don't necessarily have a fiery opinion about everything, but I have at least some, because I know a lot about the shit you're asking."

The third premise of the blog is advice. Of course I don't know much about your dog's habits, but I go on what you tell me and do my best. Because if I said, "I have no opinion about where your dog shits" you wouldn't ask me anymore questions about where your dog shits. And I sort of thrive on the questions.

I know in the past, when it comes to political stuff in particular, I've ridden a fine line where I almost admit I don't have a particular opinion, but those are special cases. In those, I probably know some shit and don't feel like I want to get into it because it depresses me, or I don't know shit and don't want to learn or fake it because it depresses me. Still, I will try to be entertaining, or at least ornery in an amusing fashion.

Having said all of that, here's a list of things that I don't have an opinion about. But if you were to ask me about any of these things in particular, you'd find that I'd have an opinion toute suite. Because it's my job to have an opinion when you ask. I take great pride in fielding everything, and having the answer sound, how did you put it?, fiery.

Things I don't have an opinion about.

Exchange rates.
Freezer temperature (unless not cold enough, then I care under the "Why the fuck don't things work right?" clause.)
Obesity.
Basketball.
Whether or not there are ice cubes in my drink.
The temperature of my food.
How long I sleep, as long as I don't feel like crap.
Royal babies.
Taco Del Mar.
Irrefutable facts.
Condoms.
Whether or not men should wear tights in ballet.
If there should be elevator music in elevators.
Murder stories on the news.
The dimensions of things.
What side of the street Europeans drive on.
Temporary tattoos.

Short Answer: It's hard to do this because you don't notice the shit you don't care about. There are probably a million.

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