Sunday, March 31, 2013

Question: What do you do at Easter?

Rise from the dead.

Boo-yag!

Is blasphemerous a word? Should be.

Short Answer: I like to eat rabbit pellets. Though they don't taste like chocolate to me.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Question: What is the perfect size (fill in the blank)?

The first three things on Google when you type in 'What is the perfect size" are

for a facebook profile picture
breast
for a woman

The answer, oddly enough, is all the same.

Big.

Let's try a few randoms. What is the perfect size for a....

midget? Big.
black cock? As advertised.
corpse? A little smaller than when alive.
trucker? Big enough to hold you down.
toilet? Poop-size.
butt? Poop-size
hand? Rachmaninoff.
global epidemic? Global.
chestnut? Bite.
vampire? Tiny.
firefly? Three hundred feet tall.
severance check? Six months salary.
side-salad? A third of the plate.
healthy newborn? Seven pounds, 2 ounces.
ugly newborn? Gigantic.
dog? Lab-size.
scientific experiment? Lab-size.
vagina? Labia-size.
workout? excer-size

Short Answer: I'm out!

Friday, March 29, 2013

Question: Are we living in a computer simulation, like in The Matrix?

Like I'm gonna admit to anything. You saw what happened to Neo when he started to figure it out. Two thirds of the rest of his life was unbearable.

I think if there's one concept we can take from that movie that does not apply to real life (and only one) it's that humans desire suffering and require it to accept the world around them. I think our real matrix would be like Christian heaven, with lots of foosball and orgies.

Short Answer: I actually didn't hate the second and third movies. Let the stoning begin!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Question: I have recently begun seeing a girl and she said she was going to send me a sexy photograph of herself, but when I checked my email, there was just a picture of a big bruise on her leg. What do you make of this?

Sure it wasn't a nipple? Could've been the crease of her underarm, not her leg. Sounds like a nipple.

Nipple.

Maybe she was frantically masturbating and damaged her business and thought it would be a sexy way to let you know how she feels. Like, "I hurt myself thinking about you while I was wanking."

Either that, or strap on for a wild, sexual ride full of hair pulling, neck stomping, ass pelting (you don't wanna know), ear twisting, lip knuckling, back of the knee dampening, lower back smearing and tinkle towning.

Oh, I forgot knob flicking.

Short Answer: You're gonna feel this relationship in your ass.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Question: Is Rudolf Klein's Dr. Mabuse or Samuel L. Jackson's Jules Winnfield cooler?

I liked The Testament of Dr. Mabuse a lot, and found the good doctor quite amusing. But if we're talking cool, does it get any cooler than Jules? I think he might ride near the top of a coolest guys in movies ever list.

(Like an angry Kuato, bursting from my stomach for the first time, seeking that life affirming, initial breath of fresh air...)

Top Thirty Coolest Guys in Film

30) Paul Smecker - Willem Dafoe, The Boondock Saints
29) Michael - John Travolta, Michael
28) Sick Boy - Johnny Lee Miller, Trainspotting
27) Trent - Vince Vaughn, Swingers
26) Ferris - Matthew Broderick, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
25) James Bond - Sean Connery, multiple appearances
24) John Preston - Christian Bale, Equilibrium
23) V - Hugo Weaving, V for Vendetta
22) Tequila - Chow Yun Fat, Hard Boiled
21) Alec Trevelyan - Sean Bean, Goldeneye
20) Mike Mcdermott - Matt Damon, Rounders
19) The Dude - Jeff Bridges, The Big Lebowski
18) Vito Corleone - Marlon Brando, The Godfather
17) Frank Slade - Al Pacion, Scent of a Woman
16) Dean Keaton - Gabriel Byrne, The Usual Suspects
15) Vincenzo Coccotti - Christopher Walken, True Romance
14) Will Munny - Clint Eastwood, Unforgiven
13) Bret Maverick - Mel Gibson, Maverick
12) Doc Holiday - Val Kilmer, Tombstone
11) Leon - Jean Reno, Leon: The Professional
10) Luke - Paul Newman, Cool Hand Luke
9) Frank Bullitt - Steve McQueen, Bullitt
8) John Mclane - Bruce Willis, Die Hard
7) Lee - Bruce Lee, Enter the Dragon
6) Tyler Durden - Brad Pitt, Fight Club
5) Jules Winnfield - Samuel L. Jackson, Pulp Fiction
4) Neil McCauley - Robert De Niro, Heat
3) Danny Ocean - George Clooney, Ocean's Eleven
2) Mr. Blonde - Michael Madsen, Reservoir Dogs
1) Jack Burton - Kurt Russell, Big Trouble in Little China

Short Answer: This could easily have been a top fifty. Honorable Mentions to Robert Redford, James Dean, Toshiro Mifune, Viggo Mortensen, Jason Statham, Sean Penn, Vincent Cassel, Gene Hackman, Ed Harris, Nicholas Cage, Ed Norton and specifically Gary Oldman as Dracula. (I felt it was too unorthodox a choice, but deserved in many ways to be included.) Oh, and Johnny Depp. Oh, and a shitload of other awesome actors.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Question: I steal small objects when visiting my friends to see how long it takes them to notice, fun until they never notice and I become a thief - when should I give things back?

I would assume once you've created a huge tower of all the little objects, bound together with spit, hair and gum. You gather everyone together, show them your masterwork, then drug and fuck them all to death.

Sound about right?

Give me back my stuff you tampon.

Short Answer: Have a look at this small object that you can't steal. I mean this regular, good-sized object. I mean...never mind.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Question: Who is Calliope and where can I find her?

Based on the fact that I don't know anyone named Calliope, therefore I do not know you or your specific Calliope - if in fact there is one - I'm going to have to answer in regards to a famous Calliope.

Calliope was a muse, and daughter of Zeus. She's specifically the muse of epic poetry, so my best guess it that you'll find her in the pages of Homer's Iliad or some such lengthy, versey work.

I suppose you could be referring to the HMS Calliope, a Calypso-class corvette of the Royal Navy. I'm sorry to say that after a brief stint as a training ship, in 1951, the Calliope was sold for breaking. So you won't be finding her anywhere, except the pages of history.

In the Rogers and Hammerstein version of "Cinderella" Calliope is one of Cinderella's evil step sisters, so I suppose you could find her there. If you like bitches.

It's also a musical instrument, though in the question it wasn't capitalized, so I guess that isn't what you were looking for.

Let me see...

Calliope is Kratos's daughter in the God of War game, right? I just saw the commercial for the new one, and I think she's dead. No luck there.


Short Answer: She's probably hanging out with Waldo and Carmen San Diego in the Last Place You'd Look hotel and bar. (Wait, is this a stripper thing? Calliope is a pretty good stripper name. I figured it out. She's in your trunk. And she made a mess.)

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Question: How does one harangue when their head is buried in sand?

With their butts?

Being butt-harangued is the worst. It's like a fart but more aggressive and a little risky in terms of dampness.

I guess if one is talking metaphorically (a concept I barely understand), it should be difficult to make a loud, aggressive point while being ignorant of many of the facts and factors involved. Yet people do it all the time anyway. So I guess the way to accomplish it is to assume you know what you're talking about, or assume everyone else is an idiot and just let rip.

Same goes for the butt thing, too.

It's possible, especially in politics, that you must have your 'head buried in the sand' to even begin to harangue. It sure seems like a pre-requisite. I can't remember the last political speech I heard that wasn't filled with a ton of bias and a blatant disregard for truth. Example: Old white republican claims globing warming isn't real. That's some primo head-sand-haranguing for shizzle.

Short Answer: For. Shizzle.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Question: What color is purple?

If you ask Prince, it's rain color.

If you ask Alice Walker, the writer of the Pulitzer Prize winning 'The Color Purple', it's about the difficulties for black women in Georgia around 1930.

If you ask royalty from the Roman Empire and forward, it's their color, because purple dye was expensive to make.

If you ask a racist, it's 'drink' color.

If you ask McDonald's, it's the color of a taste bud. Yes, Grimace is supposed to be a taste bud.

If you ask me, it's the head of a penis color.

If you ask my wife, it's the color of her face after she 'slips' and 'walks into a door'.

Short Answer: I think, along the lines of oranges are oranges, that eggplants should be called purples. Because what the fuck is an eggplant? That shit does not make sense.



Friday, March 22, 2013

Question: What are the top ten Horror stories you've read?

This is a very difficult question. Hard to remember all the short fiction one has read over the years. I'll do my best, make a list out of the ones that popped into my mind straight away. They have to be the most potent, though I'm sure I'll be kicking myself after the fact when I remember a few gems.

As per usual, I'll keep it to one per author, to avoid the domination of my favorite writers.

Top Ten Short Horror Stories

10) The Distributor by Richard Matheson - A story of a man who sows a certain, special type of chaos.
9) Hop Frog by Edgar Allan Poe - A story of brutal, jestery revenge.
8) The Lottery by Shirley Jackson - A stone cold classic.
7) I Have No Mouth & I Must Scream by Harlan Ellison - The machine hates us.
6) Hinterlands by William Gibson - The Fear of space, and those best equipped to conquer it.
5) The Jaunt by Stephen King - Just a quick trip through space, unless you're awake.
4) The Whisperer in Darkness by H.P. Lovecraft - Classic Lovecraft setup, extra special creepy ending.
3) Sweets to the Sweet by Robert Bloch - That little witch.
2) Dread by Clive Barker - How far will you go to study dread?
1) The Human Chair by Edigawa Rampo - The lengths one will go to feel close to another.

Short Answer: Oh my god, this was ridiculous. There are so many incredible horror writers and stories. There is a possibility this list would change weekly. Hats off to Arthur Machen, Algernon Blackwood, Ambrose Bierce, Nathanial Hawthorne, Ray Bradbury, Ramsey Campbell and Dennis Etchison for not making the list but being super awesome. Also, I think every story on this list has three or four by the same author, right behind, clamoring in the dark to get on the list.

Note: You'll notice some of these stories are written by renowned Sci-Fi writers. Just goes to show that many great stories, despite the bells and whistles, are centrally tales of horror. In my mind, Sci-Fi landscapes often lend themselves well to tales of the horrific. Case in point, the Harlan Ellison entry on the list, a tale of five people, kept alive in the belly of a machine and tortured for eternity. That's horror, baby.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Question: Will Iginla be traded?

I could go into a whole thing, here. A big analysis from top to bottom, the pluses and the minuses. But that would bore the shit out of everything.

No is my answer. Not because I'm sure, but because a dude who is synonymous with a team should stay with that team out of loyalty. Seeking to go to a Stanley Cup contender makes no sense to me because every bloody year there are at least a half-dozen, and the chances you'll go to the right one are slim. And then you didn't even help that much, and you're team might suck the next year if you're even still around.

Jerome Iginla is a Calgary Flame. He should stay there.

Short Answer: I love Steve Yzerman.

Note: I know some people claim that a veteran player allowing himself to be moved can help the team out, with younger talent, but I think that's hooey as well. Loyalty goes both ways. If a player wants to stay, they shouldn't be made feel like they'd be helping more by leaving. That fucks with a dude's head. I'm not saying that's the case here, but Jerome might just be the kind of guy who would move to help the team. If he's that loyal, he shouldn't be asked to sacrifice in the first place.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Question: Does eloping affect the length of a marriage?

It affects the length of a wedding.

I suppose it's possible there are statistics to support the concept that a marriage rushed into lasts less time than one planned.

Will I look up those statistics? No.

Seems like this is a good thing. If you end up in a marriage you shouldn't be in, wouldn't it be better to find out sooner? Maybe we should all elope. That would put an end to all the bickering and nonsense that happens at 'real' weddings. Saves a lot of dough, too.

Saying that, though, there is some weight to the rituals, whichever ones you choose. I had a simple wedding, and looking back, I do miss some of the traditional stuff in my memory banks. Like cutting the cake and getting cakeface, or having someone play a trick where I put the garter on my grandma, or getting too drunk and not being able to consummate.

Never mind.

Short Answer: Let's be honest. Marriage, as an institution, is as grey as the locker rooms at the YMCA. Just get married, have fun. If it fails, who cares? Better to have loved and lost and such.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Question: Do you like secrets?

Fuck no. Secrets are dumb. The only time not telling someone something is appropriate is if it's horrible news and they're experiencing something super positive at that very moment. Like, if your dog died, and your mom told you while you were masturbating. It would be okay to show a little tact, a little restraint, and keep that little secret until the creaming's through.

Otherwise, as always honesty and sweaters is the best policy.

Short Answer: The other good kind of secret is the one where the payoff is worth it. Like a surprise party or a gif of two sisters kissing.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Question: Could you write another poem for us?

Separate/Separate


Feel free, in hindsight, to call it demonstrative.
Avoid naming, or even seeing weakness.
Try to assess the passion in a passionless manner.
The tears as reactions, the sobbing as art.
Don't let yourself become disjointed, or separated from
the human condition.
Long road back, that.
But instead, try to immerse yourself in the physicality of the form.
The heaving structure of sorrow and release.
Then take a breath, and learn what you can of empathy.

Short Answer: For you? Anything!

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Question: Move over everybody! I gots a question...who's gonna win teh Pooperbowl?

Normally I'll edit minor grammatical errors out of questions, but this time, I just couldn't.

I assume the Browns will win the Pooperbowl, good sir.

Short Answer: Is someone playing a trick on me?

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Question: What are the ten greatest movie love songs?

Top Ten Greatest Love Songs to Appear in Movies (Non-John Hughes Edition)

10) Time of My Life - Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley, Dirty Dancing
9) Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers, Ghost
8) Sea of Love - Phil Phillips, Sea of Love
7) Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler, The Wedding Singer
6) In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel, Say Anything
5) It Must Have Been Love - Roxette, Pretty Woman
4) Cry Little Sister - Gerard McMann, The Lost Boys
3) Take My Breath Away - Berlin, Top Gun
2) Glory of Love - Peter Cetera, The Karate Kid 2
1) Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now) - Phil Collins, Against All Odds

Top Five Greatest Love Songs to Appear in Movies (John Hughes Edition)

5) If You Were Here - The Thompson Twins, Sixteen Candles
4) Pretty in Pink - The Psychedelic Furs, Pretty in Pink
3) Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds, The Breakfast Club
2) True - Spandau Ballet, Sixteen Candles
1) If You Leave - Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark, Pretty in Pink

Short Answer:

Honorable Mentions:

Can’t Help Falling In Love - UB40, Sliver
Waiting For a Girl Like You - Foreigner, Footloose
Donna - Los Lobos/Ritchie Valens, La Bomba
Then He Kissed Me - The Crystals, Adventures in Babysitting
Love Song for a Vampire - Annie Lennox, Dracula

Friday, March 15, 2013

Question: How much rejection can one man take?

You're asking a writer about rejection?

Let me tell you something. If I went to the largest night club in the world and asked every woman there to dance with me, and they all said, "Fuck no, you ugly piece of shit," and threw their drinks in my face, it wouldn't even come close to competing with the constant rejection of being a writer.

Here's your answer. All of it. A man can take all the rejection, because it doesn't matter. You could be rejected by every publisher, editor, agent in the known universe and you'd still get up the next day and submit to the first one again. Because it's just like that club; it's about people and how they feel each and every day. One of those girls might think you're not so ugly the next day. Maybe they'll be a little drunker, or they'll have had a bad experience with some hunk. Sooner or later, if you keep trying, you'll get nailed in the bathroom/publish a book.

Short Answer: Yes. I think publishing a book is the 'nailing in the bathroom' of literary accomplishments.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Question: Can a bluster be an honest act?

Yes. By definition, a bluster is not false, just a loud, indignant rant that is received as false or has little to no effect on those hearing it.

I'd like to think that a lot of blustering is honest - people genuinely and passionately on about something that matters to them. It's the bluster-ees decision whether or not the rant is valid.

I don't really have anything else to say.

Can a blister be an honest act? Not if you get it while lie-walking.
Can a cluster be an honest act? If its got almonds and chocolate.
Can a cloister be an honest act? Yes, unless, you know, bad nuns.
Can a muster be an honest act? If it's for a good cause, like taking oil.
Can mustard be an honest act? Only on hot dogs.

Short Answer: Can a Wayne and Shuster be an honest act? If by honest you mean hilarious, then yes. (If by honest you mean a chick and a donkey then no.)

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Question: Why so sexy?

It's mostly the beard, even though I'm also quite dashing beneath.

Or it could be these new corduroy slacks all the hip kids have been taking about. Just kidding, I wear female yoga pants because I like how they make my love handles feel.

Cradled.

Or it could be my elephant slippers with the trunks, or the fact that I call my trunk a boot, or the fact that I can wiggle my boot and bring many of the boys to my yard.

Maybe it's just my suave demeanor, rapist wit, and rapist tendencies. Or maybe it's my coat of oily, black fur, unkempt in the rain, combed and coiffed in time for topless meals.

Also, it could be that my dong sits on my balls at a jaunty angle, as if a devilish cyclops is wondering what all the hub-bub is about.

Or it's just my sense of humour.

Short Answer: It's the balls thing, I know.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Question: What is your opinion on the lack of confidence in the play of the Canucks?

I don't have one.

It's difficult being in a city that's hard on their team the way Vancouver is. Just like anyone, I can get frustrated with their play and have opinions about what they should and shouldn't do. Where I draw the line is forgetting that they're people doing a job, and that they deserve the same respect you'd give to any stranger before finding out they want to mug you. Just because we watch a sports team every day doesn't mean we've accrued the right to be total dick bags.

What's funny is that people act like it doesn't matter. But if you think that all the negativity towards Luongo over the years didn't make him shaky from time to time, you're sadly mistaken.

As for right now, I don't have a lack of confidence. They're a good team, deep, with a few injuries and some special teams woes. But last time I checked, they were also the two time defending President's  Trophy winners. I think I'll wait and see before a slit my wrists or start calling them a bunch of cunts.

Short Answer: I like sports. I don't often like sports fans.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Question: Are mintins for lunch?

They're sure as hell not for dinner.

Or supper, if you're from one of those places.

Or herpes, if you're from one of those places, with used out whores.

Or a jailhouse girlfriend, with a rubbery schlong and hard poops.

Or if Gandalf was on the cialis, and he always had a huge pokey tent under that robe. That'd make him super creepy, right? And he'd be banging it against his staff all the time, and when he did, he'd think it was super funny to say, "Dong!" like he was ringing a dongbell.

Short Answer: Your face, apparently, is mintins for lunch.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Question: If you can't have sex with a lady, what are some other good ways to take care of business?

Personally, I like to take three layers of saran wrap and cover the top of an old lamp shade, then secure the wrap with a wide rubber band. As you're pushing against the plastic, the rubber band will pull closer and closer to the top of the shade. If you're lucky, you'll break through the plastic just as the rubber band snaps shut on your dong. If you're really lucky, you'll catch a ball in there. It will be a painful ejaculation. There is no upside to that. Just warning you.

Short Answer: Also, I find men are good helpers if you don't have a lady. Especially men with small hands.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Question: Do you like brunch?

I remember when the word was becoming popular, I hated it. I still hate the idea that we should take two words and jam them together to make a stupider word. Don't get me wrong, when you join two words and it sounds funny - like brunch does - in that moment you've achieved something special. But for that word to ooze into the vernacular takes the punch out of the funny, and you're left with just the stupid.

Plus, we are no longer being creative enough with our word mashings. People are lazily smashing words together just to do it.

Here's a few examples. Tell me that creative still doesn't rule.

"Hey, is that a bunch of douche bags? Yea, it's a dunchbouche." = Funny.

"Hey, do you want some of my chicken salad. My chalad." = Not funny.

A little creativity goes a long way.

Anyway, as for the contents of brunchfast, I'm a huge fan. Eggs Benedict is one of my favorite things on this planet, and most peoples interpretations of a late breakfast include a lot of the food groups I like. Bacon, egg, potato, cheese, coffee, berries.

Short Answer: A simple person would say shanswer. Not funny. Shwancer is funnier. Inaccurate? Shutface!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Question: Istanbul was once Constantinople. Were you once something else?

When I was young I was an athlete. Then I moved and I was a loser. Then I made friends and I was an athlete again. Then I was a drama geek. Then I was a stoner. Then I was a loser again. Then I met my wife and became a sexy loser. Then I became a writer. Then I became a house lady. Then I became a part-time nerd. Then I became a published writer. And now, while waiting to become a published author (of novels) I've somehow regressed back to loser. A sexy, house lady loser with a bunch of publishing credits and no book deal.

Was this question meant to depress me? Well, it didn't work! It's just raining near my forehead, that's all. These pesky eyelashes keep catching the rain and making the water run down my cheeks. I'm getting the scissors, that's what I'm gonna do. I'll get rid of these eyelashes and then you'll see that I'm not depressed at all!

Short Answer: Eyelash-less Askkeithanything looks like a loser.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Question: How was your anniversary?

Hey! This question is from someone who knows the personal details of my life! Well I've got your number, Everyone I Consider A Friend. You guys are all messed up jerks. I know what this question really means.

"Did you play fudge banana?" Why don't you just come out and ask it, you cowards! "How was your anniversary? Did you and your wife play duck, duck, vag? Hey, what did you guys get up to? Did you have time to cream the lady spinach?"

You sick, sick bastards.

Short Answer: I realize in hindsight that I addressed the answer to this question to everyone who is my friend. Gee, I hope they aren't mad. Assholes!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Question: So, I hear you're black now?

Is this backlash because I watched that awful Beyonce movie?

It's because I say dog, isn't it?

No, it's true. I am black now. And it only took a few injections...

...in my wiener!

In all seriousness I could never be black. I've got no vert.

Short Answer: Self-deprication and racism? Yes, please!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Question: Top Ten things that would make you a happier person?

10) Water boarded with Tang
9) Elephant friendship
8) Self cleaning house
7) Mail order cured meats
6) Mandatory video game bjs
5) Help without asking
4) The invention of Pizzasoccer
3) A button that gives me the 'excited for a new movie' feeling
2) Someone to shave me who, for whatever reason, is incapable of 'whacking'.
1) A drug that doesn't mess with my creative process, but makes everything else go away.

Short Answer: I would also enjoy one of those massages that you see on the internet where it's a naked lady and she does the massaging with her entire body. That looks okay.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Question: Would you enjoy butt soup?

I guess that depends on who was doing the sitting.

I was gonna say that butt soup exists, because we eat animals, but now that I think about it, I don't know that we actually use the butt. I mean, we don't call it the butt, do we? I think the ass of a cow is called the round and the ass of a pig is where cured meats like ham come from. I think there's a 'butt' cut somewhere closer to the head, though.

Point being, we don't use the actual butt of anything for soup.

If it was human butt soup, again, I'd be reticent to dig in without knowing who the butt had belonged to. Like, if it was the butt of a maniacal sociopath, and then I ate the soup, would I gain some of the tendencies of said maniacal sociopath? Or perhaps, just the digestive traits of said maniacal sociopath, in the lower tract region.

I don't want to poop at different times than I do now, so I think my enjoyment of butt soup would be severely hampered by the possibility of butt business transference.

Short Answer: I sure as hell enjoy the term 'Butt Soup'. The words sing, like they were meant to be together, like 'Mouth Balls' and 'Balls Face'.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Question: Do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?

I assume everyone does. When it happens to me, I like to pretend it's people seeing my aura from the future, when I'm rich and famous. It's like I'm such a big deal eventually, that they can sense it even now. That way, I can act like a celebrity who's rather annoyed at the attention, or play it cool and act like I know why they're looking.

If this is one of those stalkery things where I'm being watched as we speak, get a load of this.

Okay, I'm back. Penis-coptor accomplished.

The fruit basket was a special gift, from me to you. Heck, let's say my fruit basket is a gift to all those out there who like to ask me questions. Congratulations on supporting a man who just wants to show you his nuts from the back.

Short Answer: It's probably just God making you feel that way. He's a nosey parker.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Question: What's with lady buns? They're good.

First, just in case this was a misspelling of lady bugs, let me assure you that nothing is 'with' them, and though they may be well behaved, one shouldn't consume them for any reason.

If you are in fact talking of girl bum, then I whole-buttedly agree that they are good. Especially the extra thick ones.

Short Answer: I also like lady boobs and think they're good.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Question: Does hopscotch glorify graffiti?

I guess it does. In the same way that a dead homeless guy glorifies bad sanitation.

Did we just trade poetry?

Yes!

I don't know if there is a real connection. Seems to me that graffiti needs to be on a wall, not the ground. And I don't know how hopping on stuff makes it seem more awesome. Like, if you jump on your bed, does that make your bed cooler? Bad example. It does.

If you do energetic sex to someone on the bed, does that make your...dammit.

I'm starting to get your drift, here.

Okay, it may glorify graffiti, but it also encourages and promotes stoning. Which unless you've got a blatant adulteress in your midst, is not cool.

Short Answer: I think Hopscotch Glorifies Graffiti should be the title of something.